I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i think my cat just said my name.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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