I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
