Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
