found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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