Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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