Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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