i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
