Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
