legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
