so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
