nut hugger
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
