she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
