halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
