I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
