We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
