I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
