She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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