Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
