No stitches, just platelets and will power
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
