I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
