I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
operation have a gay friend backfired
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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