the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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