I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
