i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We have started to decorate penises.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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