so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
