I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
