I think I won the penis lottery.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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