i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
