i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
