I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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