8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
