...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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