So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
