i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
