man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
4 words: hood of his car
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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