I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
