Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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