i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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