How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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