Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
