i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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