dude i'm inner monologue high
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
