i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
