My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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