ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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