Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
