I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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