When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
