Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
