Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
