u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
